I was dumped for the first and only time (so far) when I was 15. I wasn’t even sure if we were going out yet, but it still felt like the end of the world.
When I asked the guy why, he just said “I don’t love you anymore.” Now it’s obvious that he was interested in another girl and just didn’t want to admit it to me, but I couldn’t see that at the time.
When I didn’t like that answer, I started asking myself why on earth he would dump me – especially in a text, when we’d known each other since fourth grade. Unfortunately, this led to me looking at all the things I didn’t like about myself. I told myself “if I was skinnier, maybe he wouldn’t have dumped me,” and similar things about my appearance.
This went on for months, and the more I thought about reasons why, the more I came to hate myself. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror, I hated every single picture that I saw of me, and I couldn’t find anything redeemable about myself after a while.
Then one night, after looking at myself in the mirror and hating what I saw there, I just felt so lost and alone. I didn’t know how I could keep going on like this. I cried to God for help, for strength to keep on living my life. Suddenly I felt a calm spirit blanket me, and I could feel the arms of God around me, and feel how much he loved me.
I felt the urge to go look into the mirror. I resisted, thinking that I didn’t want to see how terrible I appeared after feeling that overwhelming sense of love. I went anyway, and what I saw shocked me. I was beautiful. I could hardly believe this was the same person that had looked so grotesque to me just a few minutes earlier. I had the impression come to my mind that this is how God saw me, and that he loved me exactly as I was, faults and all.
The next morning, I looked in the mirror again, and was disappointed to see my usual image staring back at me. But then I noticed something different: I liked my eyes.
I took it a day at a time, and focused on the things I saw that I liked about myself, and the parts of my personality that I was proud of. By taking time to think of those little aspects, I was able to see more and more great things about myself.
It took me over a year and help from many wonderful people to recover from that experience, but now I can look in the mirror every day and see a beautiful girl staring back at me.
Through that experience, I was able to see how easy it is to get discouraged, especially with all the distorted ideas of beauty that surround us daily. But I know if you pray for strength, and for help to see the beautiful things about yourself, the Lord will truly help you to see yourself as He does. And nothing is quite as amazing as that.
Carly H.’s goals include becoming an accountant, serving a mission for her church, marrying her true love, and always seeing her true beauty.
TRU: The Real U 